There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
