I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
