I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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