she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
