I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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