you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
