I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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