question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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