Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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