if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
