obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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