that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
