The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
