He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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