You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
