i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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