Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
