smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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