Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
