Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
