i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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