Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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