Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i may or may not be watching the land before time
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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