people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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