True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
