WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
