Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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