DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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