I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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