So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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