i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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