Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
