I just saw a hot homeless man
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
