Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Randomize
