Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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