Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
