i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
