apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
