So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
