there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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