I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
