shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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