i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
