who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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