I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
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