Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
