Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
