I wanna bring you to show and tell
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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