I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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