It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
