I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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