I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
