I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
