You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
