Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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