yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
