I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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