hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
