I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
i think i just naturally attract stoners
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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