White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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